1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
