Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize