I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
