I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
