Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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