I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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