You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
