I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize