Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The air was thick with penises
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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