I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize