Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish you could order shots online.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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