"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
