Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
