like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize