why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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