I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
