please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
