i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
