i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
