literally had 100 drinks last night.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
