respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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