marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
