I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
