you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
