ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
