As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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