I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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