i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize