I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
