I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
