her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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