woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
