lets start a swedish sibling band together
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
my being single is dangerous.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
