I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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