The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
