Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
