Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
