i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
