Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
