Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
