hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
