no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
