I am puke
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
