so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
