Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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