I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
