the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
