Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
