K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
