i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
