im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just want to make out with him forever
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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