He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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