Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
