I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
