The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
