New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
