I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
