but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
