I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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