I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
