You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
