so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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