So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
