I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
