wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize