Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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