don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
