You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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