he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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