the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
