There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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