I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
