Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
