You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
