How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
