I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
