Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
