dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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