Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
