I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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