Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
