My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
