Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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