maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
