Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
