Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
