Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she looked like the before picture.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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