Whoa Z and x make the same sound
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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