Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
