She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
