So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
