I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
